by Becky Smith Gallops
Most of us remember the days when after-school time meant running around outside, riding bikes, and goofing off until mom called us in to scrub up for dinner-a meal that was eaten by the entire family, at the table, with the TV off.
Today, however, the national media reports almost daily on how American families are spending less and less time together. Working parents and overscheduled kids mean that families are left eating dinner at different times and (more often than not) on the run.
Anne Pleshette Murphy, a parenting contributor for ABC's Good Morning America, says, "It's not a Norman Rockwell, 'Leave It to Beaver' world anymore. With so many after-school activities, only about a third of U.S. families eat dinner together most nights."
Including this vital time with our kids can be more beneficial than one might think. According to a survey conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, "teens having family dinners five or more times a week were 42 percent less likely to drink alcohol, 59 percent less likely to smoke cigarettes, and 66 percent less likely to try marijuana." Also, the survey found that "frequent family dinners were associated with better school performance, with teens 40 percent more likely to get A's and B's."
So, how can parents bring back the family dinner hour and that important family time where we find out about what is going on in our kids' lives? Murphy says the quest to sit down at the table is not hopeless. "Turn off the TV, don't pick up the phone, and keep the conversation upbeat." It's the key to making a difference suggests Murphy.
Another way to make a difference is to include the family meal as a daily routine, and let your family know that you expect them to be home and at the table at a certain time. Once they are there, make mealtime an enjoyable experience that they won't want to miss.
Moms can make a menu and have the kids help with suggestions for their favorite foods. If children know there is going to be food on the table that they like, they will show up for dinner instead of calling home to see if they can eat at a friend's house.
Having a family dinner doesn't necessarily mean mom or dad has to spend an entire day making an elaborate homemade meal, either. It's perfectly acceptable to pick up fried chicken or pizza on the way home as long as everyone sits down at the table together to eat instead of eating in front of the television or the computer.
To help stimulate dinnertime discussion, some experts suggest creating index cards with conversational topics written on them. To make it fun, cards should be made for both parents and children to use. For example, a card that your child might read would be, "What were your favorite TV shows when you were young?" An adult's card could ask something like, "What is your favorite subject in school, and why?" Read one card each night at dinner to help open the lines of communication between you and your children. It will help you all get to know one another better.
If you find that getting together at dinnertime is just not going to fit in with everyone's schedule try planning a group breakfast. Your family can start the day together with a good breakfast and, hopefully, without all the rush of an ordinary morning.
Ideally, many of us want our families to dine together every evening, but in our fast-paced society where family members are often going four different directions all at the same time, it's not necessarily a realistic goal. As you get your family accustomed to this new routine, aim to have three dinners a week together. You can increase this number as time goes on. Weekend evenings are a good time for family dinners because activities are seldom scheduled on these nights. It is also possible to adjust your dinner hour from one day to the next to accommodate everyone's schedule.
