by Adrienne Crezo

People have been lying to me. Now, I don't want to imply that this is intentional, and that everyone is lying, but I'm onto you. My husband and I know you've been stretching the truth, and when we leave your house (or the party, or daycare) after talking to you, we look at each other knowingly. Why? Because we know. And you know what else? We know that you know. Yes. Yes, we do.

See, parents can be very dishonest with each other. Maybe it's a volatile mix of personal conflict, societal pressures, and self-esteem issues--or maybe, in some book I haven't read, the rules say we should be--but parents are liars. I'm not excluding myself (that would be stupid and dangerous), but I think that we should all take a break and put our kids in a more realistic light. The tension--and cost for more karate/gymnastics/piano lessons--is getting too high.

You tell me that your five-year-old can play the cello and is at an eighth grade reading level. They tell me their daughter is the highest-ranked Thingamajig in Whatever Group, and that their son is First Something of Some Other Thing. This lady's kid can recite pi to the 38th place while solving a Rubik's cube. I get it. They're great. We all have Very Special Kids.

In fact, my own daughter is a steel trap who is a promising bilingual and takes photographs like a student of the arts (albeit a very young one). She also eats Cheetos that she hides under the sofa and tries to scalp the cat with her bare hands at least six times a day.

In truth, I bet your kid does, too. I bet someone has a son or daughter who likes to drink water from the bathtub. I bet at least three of you have a kid who refuses to eat food that isn't yellow. I would lay down cash if anyone wanted to bet that their kid was the only one who sneaks out of bed to play Barbie spa party in the sink at four in the morning. See, she's been known to do a few of those things too. Is she a bad kid? Well, sometimes she's awful... really, seriously terrible. She does surprising, beautiful, heartwarming things, too. But not always.

So what am I supposed to say when Mr. Neighbor Guy brags to me about his twins (beauty pageant winners, naturally) who are the founding members of our neighborhood Equestrian Club? Do I give the Cheetos story a go--of course not. Today, the Girl is fluent in conversational Spanish. And we're enrolling her in advanced Literature and Art studies at the private Pre-K in the next town, of course. And why do we have a neighborhood Equestrian Club? That's so last season.

Look, parenting is hard work. It's hard all on its own, without any mounting pressure we put on ourselves to be the Best Parents Ever with the Greatest Kids Who Ever Lived. Why can't we give each other (and our kids!) a break from the competition? Give each other a hand; be supportive when it looks like today will not be the best day ever. Why can't we, when the nice Mommy at the daycare asks, just say, "His/Her name is ____. Yeah, s/he's ridiculous and I think s/he might be a sadistic cat torturer, but we do what we can." Because who wants to think their kid is the only one who doesn't sparkle in the morning sun while curing cancer as a hobby? Cut us all some slack and tell us the kid drinks bathwater. And come over for a playdate Saturday, okay?

Freelance author Adrienne Crezo is a busy wife and mother.
Be sure to read her blog, The Preschool Grapevine, each week..